Helping Children Manage Big Feelings
As parents and caregivers, it’s natural to want our children to behave well - especially when emotions run high. Traditionally, Time Out has been a go-to strategy: a few minutes in a chair or corner to “think about what they’ve done.”But as understanding of child development grows, many experts now suggest a different approach: Time In. At Fortress Kids, we believe connection is the key to helping children regulate emotions and learn from challenging situations.
What Is Time Out?
Time Out is usually used to: Remove a child from a situation. Give them a chance to calm down. Stop unwanted behaviour immediately. While it can be effective in the short term, Time Out often asks children to manage big feelings on their own - exactly when they’re least able to do so. For younger children especially, emotional regulation isn’t something they can do independently; it’s a skill learned through supportive relationships.
What Is Time In?
Time In flips this approach. Instead of sending a child away, an adult stays close, calm, and connected.
Time In helps children: Feel safe and supported. Name and understand their emotions. Learn strategies to calm down. Reflect on their behaviour and make better choices. Time In isn’t about ignoring behaviour or removing boundaries - it’s about teaching emotional skills through connection. Children learn how to regulate emotions not by being left alone, but by having a trusted adult guide them through the storm.
Misbehaviour = Big Feelings
At Fortress Kids, we know that “misbehaviour” is often just a child struggling to cope with big feelings. Tantrums, shouting, refusal, or acting out aren’t signs of a “bad child” - they’re a signal that the child is overwhelmed or unsure how to handle their emotions.
By responding with Time In, we help children: Feel understood and safe. Learn healthy ways to express themselves. Build long-term emotional resilience.
Why Time In Works
When children are emotionally flooded, their brains are in survival mode. Logic and reasoning won’t land.
Time In works because it:
- Supports emotional regulation in the moment
- Strengthens attachment and trust
- Models healthy coping strategies
- Encourages children to internalise skills for independent self-regulation
- Over time, children who experience Time In develop confidence, empathy, and stronger social and emotional skills.
How We Do It at Fortress Kids
At Fortress Kids, Time In is at the heart of our approach.
Our trained staff:
- Stay present with the child during big feelings
- Use calm, gentle language to name emotions
- Set clear boundaries while providing reassurance
- Help children reflect on choices once they’re calm
We turn moments of misbehaviour into opportunities for learning, connection, and growth.
A Gentle Shift for Parents
Moving from Time Out to Time In can feel challenging at first. It requires patience, presence, and a focus on connection rather than punishment. But the rewards are enormous: calmer children, stronger relationships, and better emotional skills for life.
Final Thoughts
Time Out removes a child from the moment. Time In teaches them how to navigate it.By prioritising connection over isolation, we help children feel safe, understood, and capable - even in their hardest moments.
At Fortress Kids, we don’t just manage behaviour; we guide children through big feelings and help them grow.
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